I am still on that path. Everyday, in every way and I am getting better. I'm getting better at it all. Im getting better at accepting my path and it's ever changing course. Getting better at learning that I can change my path and that I am capable if I want to be. I am getting better at learning to accept the things I am struggling with and embrace the fact that those things will change in time.
I am struggling with life moving just moving on as if nothing happened. I'm struggling with the concept of death and losing loved ones. I'm struggling and I don't understand, it doesn't make sense to me. It takes my breath away and my soul screams in agony as my mind dares to even briefly, for a moment play with the thought. I can't.
My best friend lost her dad a month ago and I still breakdown as if it were my own father I've lost. I can't. I don't know how to make sense of it. I feel betrayed.
A day later we celebrated my own fathers 60th birthday. I felt like I betrayed her, my friend. I spoke at his celebration and as I spoke I realized how many things he still needed to be in my life for. I realised that I am still my parents last born child.
This inability to control deaths timing is not something I'm getting better at accepting.
Another year done 28 on the 23rd. I remember most birthdays and the awesome love that has enveloped each one of them and I realize that nothing I could ever do could express my gratitude, my love.
This is getting older. Attempting to spend your day with those who love you regardless of whether or not you want to.
I am getting better. Stronger. Wiser. Everyday, in every way.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. And peace... in my world, in my being. These will always guide me, in all my randomness
