Randomness back in full effect!

So its been absolute ages since I've blogged... For once this does not apply to my writing in general since I've done quite a lot of this in the Notes application of my phone. I cant tell you why I don't just do it here. I suppose I've just never wanted this blog to turn into my personal diary, which is the current direction of this post. Moving along... I have also finally started writing on a more professional level! Yay me! Something I have wanted to do forever but never pursued. But more on that later. Last night I decided that I would attempt to utilise this blog more efficiently since my head is always full of thoughts that I generally don't get to share with people due to my current self employed work situation which has me seated at my lone home desk in the corner of my lounge for most of everyday. Yes so you see a lot has changed since my last blog. But I don't want to go back only forward and so will write about all the developments, well as they develop I suppose. I should probably make note of the fact that I have changed the Blogs name from Peace, Faith, Love and Hope. This is not to say that these values no longer apply to my life but simply that I've been meaning to give the blog a more user friendly title that one could remember without having to figure out if Love comes before or in between faith and hope, which honestly is something I often needed to apply my mind to. So I've decided to call the blog Random Writings, for the very obvious reason that that's what it is. A lot of random writing from a random writer, who simply enjoys putting thoughts down in words and is lucky enough to sometimes get paid for it. I hope the few unlucky lovers who get to read these random posts enjoy it somewhat and that I can remain disciplined enough to keep at it. Caio for now!

Not quite my story yet

So it's been a while since I've written anything. Life is moving. 2013 has had its fair share of difficulties but has been good to me thus far. I am grateful.

Newly engaged. New home owners. Continued lessons been learnt. And with all of this I have seen my family's love for me shine brighter than ever before. They have been absolutely amazing, in guiding me, supporting me and simply being proud of me.

Fear hasn't left me yet. My future is daunting. My friendships have changed. I'm still trying to figure out what my dreams really are and I am terrified that life is running way ahead and taking with it any chance of those dreams becoming reality. I am trying to learn not to freeze. I am trying to learn not to be so disappointed in myself.

These things I want to do, I wish I would just suck it up and do them.

There is a lesson I learn very often and especially this year, everything happens in Gods time.

This is still my path. It is a better one everyday. It is the best one for me. Eventually my story will be the one I want.

Hyundai "don't tell" advert... Teach your kids to TELL

For the past two weeks I've seen this Hyundai Sante Fe advertisement that promotes children keeping secrets from their parents.... For the life of me I cannot understand how this can be viewed as anything but detrimental to a parent and child relationship that is void of any distrust....

I have two nieces and the minute they were able to understand anything was the minute that they were taught not to keep secrets from their parents.

This is such a dangerous behavior to encourage, particularly in a society where child abuse is extremely rife. Today it's a secret about an ice cream you bought for your child before lunch and tomorrow they're keeping a secret about the fact that they have been abused. Because your child was told "don't tell your mommy and daddy".

I don't believe that this is a lesson to ever teach our children not even in jest.
Brands and advertisers need to be a lot more conscious of their message,particularly when the advert directly or indirectly appeals to children.

We must do better.

Quirky kitchens

House hunting.... One of things in life that you love and hate. We've started and abandoned this process numerous times.

So we've started again.... Anyway, I've been really inspired by some of the places I've seen and have taken to searching for the most awesome kitchens, if I can't find one that exists in the home we choose my plan is to create it!

I want quirky. I want homely. I was modern but sorta country. I want this....

Set in stone that constantly breaks into pieces

I am still on that path. Everyday, in every way and I am getting better. I'm getting better at it all. Im getting better at accepting my path and it's ever changing course. Getting better at learning that I can change my path and that I am capable if I want to be. I am getting better at learning to accept the things I am struggling with and embrace the fact that those things will change in time.

I am struggling with life moving just moving on as if nothing happened. I'm struggling with the concept of death and losing loved ones. I'm struggling and I don't understand, it doesn't make sense to me. It takes my breath away and my soul screams in agony as my mind dares to even briefly, for a moment play with the thought. I can't.

My best friend lost her dad a month ago and I still breakdown as if it were my own father I've lost. I can't. I don't know how to make sense of it. I feel betrayed.

A day later we celebrated my own fathers 60th birthday. I felt like I betrayed her, my friend. I spoke at his celebration and as I spoke I realized how many things he still needed to be in my life for. I realised that I am still my parents last born child.

This inability to control deaths timing is not something I'm getting better at accepting.

Another year done 28 on the 23rd. I remember most birthdays and the awesome love that has enveloped each one of them and I realize that nothing I could ever do could express my gratitude, my love.

This is getting older. Attempting to spend your day with those who love you regardless of whether or not you want to.

I am getting better. Stronger. Wiser. Everyday, in every way.

In Retrospect: An old post, a past story, a constant truth

So 25 is closing in pretty fast now (we're counting days now...*sigh*) and there are quite a number of things going through my mind. I keep wondering why this particular number is so daunting and I just cant figure it out...Perhaps its because I only have a few days to become a charted accountant (changed my mind in std 8), write a book, travel the world and open my own -random- creative store of some sort and be mighty rich... yeah, so I clearly cant be 25 yet...I feel like ive had as many fleeting dreams as I do thoughts and each of them touch different parts of my life. My mind constantly moves me in directions that sometimes, I may be hesitant to move in. But one's heart and soul tend to be a lot more nimble than the mind.Strange how this organ and its spiritual counterpart can tell of so many happenings in one's life. Nothing can tell a story like the clear beating of a heart at the memory of events passed and words spoken, let alone the emotions captured at each.So im sitting here trying to figure out how I've gotten to be this person that I am. This person that I have gotten to know and that I have chosen to share with the people in my life. and then I realise that it is my soul that has carried me...I feel God in my life more now, than I did even a year or two ago. I feel the working of a higher power and although I believe in parts of different forms of spirituality, I feel the guidance that comes from more than just the influence of people around me.I could write for ages about the influence of various people in my life, specifically that of my loved one's and their love that has always guided and protected me. but I dont see how any of this love is humanly possible on its own. what does this biological organ have to do with this emotion that pours most uncontrollably from the depth of our souls.How can we possibly do it alone? How can we possibly live this life alone?There have been a lot of phases in my life when I have felt trapped. Our freedom is so often compromised by outside forces. My freedom is often hindered in this country by my inability to live in complete safety and without fear, its hindered by our people's inability to learn about our future by embracing our past, and the other way around. Yet in the same breath, I am free everyday in my ability to choose a better life, to choose to serve in a country that is constantly growing, to serve a me, that is constantly growing... My freedom is epitomised by my ability to think freely and to speak these thoughts, by my ability to learn and teach, to create and be judged only by my creator and to be true to myself no matter what that truth is.At 25 I've learnt that my soul is organic, fresh and healthy for as long as I keep it that way. I suppose the one who feels it knows it... I am simply on that path

Airport Sunday Syndrome

Its almost June and at this time of the year conversation generally revolves round how cold it is or how fast the year has gone, neither of which is wrong. For me winter always comes with a huge dose of the blue’s. And every winter I try to fight it. This year seems to be a lot better, Ive managed to keep running from it by staying busy at work and more recently with my studies. But airport Sundays generally have it all catch up in a breath… I really love living in Cape Town but I miss my people so much. I miss my family and my friends, I miss being able to do drinks on a random evening. For some reason the past couple of weeks have had me extremely nostalgic. Its been almost a year since we moved to Cape Town and things are so different, in both good and not necessarily bad but not so good ways. Im alone. And winter and Sundays don’t let me forget that. Its strange though, this feeling is not unfamiliar and every year since I can recall, I remember thinking of some reason that could explain why I feel this way. In high school, it was literally Sunday anxiety for the week ahead that I had perhaps not prepared for and in varsity it was generally the same. At some point it was also the feeling of being stagnant, the feeling of wanting to be out of home, the feeling of wanting to live with the person I love and not have to say goodbye. But no matter what the reason, the feeling was the same, is the same. This year I call it the airport Sunday syndrome, except today is Thursday...Today I miss my mommy, my boyfriend and my friend. Today I’d like to be surrounded by the people I love. Today I’m remembering the build up to goodbye of last year and how I was constantly surrounded by love of my family and friends in the time before we moved. Im remembering how my dad would pitch up at my home in the middle of the day for a cup of tea and a chat on his way somewhere. My people. I wonder how people do it, just perpetually live in isolation. I quite like doing it for short periods at a time or so I think until I have the company of a close friend. Anyway, this was just a quick catch up. With myself mostly. Im blessed, I always have been, I know this.